Depression Getaway with Wendy Love

There was a game show in the 1960's called 'Truth or Consequences'. Based on the parlor games "Forfeits" and "Fine or Superfine," the show was a combination trivia game and stunt show. Contestants were asked silly questions and had to answer correctly before "Beulah the Buzzer" sounded. If they failed to give the "Truth," they had to face the "Consequences"-- usually a funny and embarrassing stunt. Often contestants were reunited with long-lost family or friends on the air.  The same thing happens to me with depression. If I don't tell myself the truth there will be consequences. If I believe the lies in my head the consequence will be depression.

Do you know the song I am talking about? The words to the song are: Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know I need someone! Help! When I was younger so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way. But now these days are gone I'm not so self-assured, I know I find, I need ya like, I've never done before. Help me if you can I 'm feelin down, and I do appreciate you bein round, help me get my feet back on the ground, won't you please please help me? Help! I need somebody Help! Not just anybody! Help! Ya know I need someone, Help!

Here is a post I wrote way back in March of 2012. I thought it might be interesting to follow up on the projects I said I would tackle way back then. Bipolar is new every morning, I will say that! I never know what kind of mood I will be in, especially due to the fact that I have rapid cycling bipolar which means my moods change frequently. I don't like that. Of course it is the depressed mood that is the most dreaded, but then the hypomania is no fun either because you know it leads to depression, and so there you have it...The main symptom even in bipolar is good old depression.

As we discuss the challenge that depression presents to relationships, I would like to share some strategies. I will use my husband and I as examples here. We have been navigating these dark waters together since 1998. We have come up with some things that work for us, maybe they will work for you too.

Of course depression can ruin relationships. It can ruin just about anything if you let it! But there are lots of other things that can ruin relationships as well. Depression presents its own unique challenges however, which should not be overlooked. How can it ruin relationships? The depressed person is no fun, that's how. But it goes much deeper than that. As the depressed person withdraws more and more from life they will sometimes even withdraw from their relationships, even the most important ones. They can't help it, they feel rotten and they have nothing to give. They withdraw to survive.

As I attempt to tackle the topic of depression and relationships, one kind of relationship comes to mind - romance! "All the world loves a lover" . Romance is a wonderful thing. We are designed for it, it comes naturally for most of us, and it is thrills and comforts like no other relationship. Even depressed people crave romance. We all crave connection and we all love to be needed by someone.

Baby Boom was one of my favourite movies way back in the 90's. It was a story where the heroine (played by Diane Keaton), who is a brilliant and successful advertising executive, is faced with a choice of whether to continue to become more successful and live in the fast lane, or enjoy a lesser degree of success but be able to stay home and raise her baby and enjoy a meaningful relationship and small town life. You guessed it, she chose home and baby and a relationship ! I liked that! That fit in with my value system.

Did you see it? The movie? When it came out it was just another romantic comedy but over the years it has raised up quite a following. There are some memorable scenes (the restaurant orgasm) and delightful lines. It is about a couple who meet one another when they are both involved with someone else. As college students they take a car trip across country together merely for financial convenience and get to know each other quite well and say goodbye, thinking nothing of their relationship. They bump into each other over the years and finally ten years later, when they are both going through a break-up they become good friends - the most unlikely good friends since they are so different.

One of the best blogs about depression out there is Storied Mind. Recently, the author, John, wrote a post that got a lot of reactions, very detailed reactions.  It was called '13 Ways of Defining Depression'. In this well-written article he reviews the many different ways that he has defined depression over the years. His view has changed and that made me, and clearly several others think about their own journey. And so I thought that I would review my journey here in hopes that it may inspire you to take a second look at your own condition in a different way. Maybe you will see how you have progressed.

If you read as much as I do about depression, you will not miss the growing opinion that drugs are bad for us, that the entire antidepressant thing is just a ploy of the pharmaceutical companies and that we are all simply falling for their greedy, not well-meaning goals. What do you think?  I will not tell you that I am for medications or not for medications. I don't think it is that simple. If you have been lucky enough to have found a medication that really helps, then be thankful and stick with it. Personally I have had little success with medication. I wish that was not the case. I have to do everything I know to do in order to manage this mood disorder.  There was a time when I had some success with medication and I wish I could go back to those times. But for whatever reason, my body rejects or does not tolerate most drugs. Having said that however, there are many of us who have taken medications for depression and still have depression! Is it worth it? Have y

As a teacher, when a new report card format came out, like many of my colleagues, I was not thrilled. It meant once again learning an entirely new way of evaluating each child and then having to explain the changes to parents.  'How much farther from the truth were we going to go in reporting on our students?'  I wondered as I puzzled over the new report cards. You couldn't fail anyone, you couldn't come right out and say they were doing poorly or that they were not trying hard enough. The report card, like so many other aspects of life, was forced to become 'politically correct'. Having said all of that, there was one new term that was adopted at that time which I found ludicrous then, but useful now. The term was 'next steps' .  After reporting in words, not numbers or grades, on the child's progress or lack thereof, you then had to write, in words, what their 'next steps' should be in order to bring about improvement. Even if

I am a christian . Despite depression I have managed to hold onto my faith. No matter what is going on, I can usually, not always, manage to: 1. get up every morning 2. write in my journal 3. read my bible 4. pray 5. read my 'Streams in the Desert' 'Streams in the Desert' is my favourite book of devotions. It is now available daily online . Why does this book mean so much to me? Because it brings meaning to suffering . It makes me think that maybe there is PURPOSE IN PAIN . It gives me hope that my own suffering is not some cosmic error and a waste of time. Here are some of my favourite passages: "Here is the secret of divine all-sufficiency ,  to come to the end of everything in ourselves  and in our circumstances.  When we reach this place,  we will stop asking for sympathy  because of our hard situation or bad treatment,  for we will recognize these things  as the very conditions of our blessing,  and we will turn from

What would you think about a blood test for depression ? Would that make a difference to you? Would it change everything? Would it change nothing? ' Test Suggests Nine Ingredients of Depression' is a fascinating article,  about a possible blood test for depression. Could it be both a good thing and a bad thing ? The good thing is that a blood test can tell someone who is denying depression, that in fact, they have a physical illness called depression. Another good thing would be that if you tested positive you would be  more apt to get paid sick leave from work.

I remember when computers  entered my world in 1987 . I was a mother of girls, nine and eleven, and a full time teacher of eleven and twelve year olds at a small private christian school. Despite the small budget we were discussing the possibility of getting a computer for each classroom. I was technically ignorant then and could not imagine the advantages of that.

Today is a bad day. Not a crisis day where intervention is necessary. Just a bad day. Some days are like that. Don't even need a reason. But on bad days like this I tend to give up on my coping strategies. I say to myself "what's the point? I do everything right, eat right, exercise, get plenty of rest and I get depressed anyways. Why bother? I think I will just go out and get a box of cookies and drown myself in those." And I did.... Figured I couldn't feel much worse, which isn't actually true because twenty cookies covered in chocolate can make me feel awful. But my convoluted logic says "heck, I feel awful anyways. How much awfuller can I get? I probably won't even notice the difference." And I don't, at least for now.

Now I would like to introduce you to a blogger called  'Chipur' or at least that is what he calls his blog about depression. Not a very depressing name is it? The creator of the blog I would like to tell you about about is truly 'chipper' so the name  ' Chipur'  is appropriate. The author, Bill White , combines the professional with the personal on this proactive site. To quote Bill " If you’re looking for freedom from your mood or anxiety disorder you’ve come to the right place." I like 'Chipur' because it is informative and positive and useful and I need all the help I can get.  Thanks Bill for providing something I can sink my mind into and get some fuel for the journey! One of my favourite and most useful posts of his is  13 Things to IMMEDIATELY Consider When You’re SPIRALING DOWNWARD (and scared). Go and visit Bill at 'Chipur'. WHAT ABOUT YOU? Are you feeling very 'chipper' today? Does that word al

See? Even cats find blogging intriguing! Or is it the mouse that has his attention? Either way, blogging can quickly become a hobby you wondered how you had ever lived without. I am not just blogging for your depression,  I am blogging for my depression. That's right, blogging helps my depression. The process of writing helps depression. There are not many counselor/therapists you go to who won't encourage you to journal.

After enjoying my first blog so much I thought about creating a blog concentrating on depression and all that I had learned that had been a great help to me. And so  'Dipsy Doodling around Depression'  was born which again, like my first blog I deleted in a bipolar manic moment . But the fun continued, new friendships were made and the research went on, and on and on. I was not only researching depression I researched blogging as well. I think there may even be more stuff about blogging on the internet than about depression!

Blogging is one of my depression coping strategies. It didn't start that way. When I was forced to give up my little arts business due to depression, I knew I needed a creative outlet. Writing seemed the natural choice. I always loved writing. So I decided to start with something small - a novel! (Must have been manic that day....) Since I love to do research on anything I am pursuing, I began to read all about 'writing' and oh my goodness, there was so much advice out there. I almost got so caught up in the advice that I didn't start my novel for quite awhile. One of the bits of advice I read was 'create a blog', to have a presence out there. Seemed like a good idea to me.

Last time we chatted about the fact that none of us arrived at our depressive state without a little help. There were and still are contributing factors. Some of those contributing factors may be people, real people who are still alive. These people may still be a big part of your life and making your life miserable, right now. Last time I asked you who you could blame for your depression. Maybe from the title of this post you think I am going to suggest that you blame Adam and Eve! Many have blamed Adam and Eve for the state of mankind. Certainly Adam and Eve goofed up big time. They disobeyed a direct order from God! But I would like to propose today that their disobedience was only their first big mistake. Their next big mistake was blaming their actions on someone else. They did not admit their own part in the sin, and they did not acknowledge that the mess they were now in was their own fault! I am not blaming you for your own depression, not at all. I am just remindi

This turtle did not get up on the top of this fence post all by himself! And you didn't get depressed all by yourself either!  I have written this post partly just to use the photo, don't you love it? My pastor used it awhile ago and I can't even remember what he preached about but I do remember this photo! The turtle had help getting up on that pole and so did you have help getting depressed. You may have inherited a family predisposition towards depression. You may have had and still have circumstances in your life that have caused you emotional trauma. You may be grieving.... There are lots of things that contribute to depression but one thing is certain, you didn't get there all by yourself! And just as that turtle will never get off of that pole without help , you will not get better without help either! We have talked about getting the right diagnosis, getting the right medication, getting the right kind of therapy and all of those things are helpful!

If you need to own only one book about depression , this could be the book for you! I have read a lot of them and in my opinion, Deborah Serani doesn’t leave out anything important in this treasure titled "Living with Depression". Dr. Serani is a practicing psychologist who has made herself into an advocate for the mentally ill. You might want to check out her blog, 'Dr. Deb' and benefit from her experience and expertise. One poignant chapter is called ‘The 5 R’s’ , which are RESPONSE, REMISSION, RECOVERY, RELAPSE AND RECURRENCE. She takes you through these stages and shows you the importance of understanding your condition, where it came from and where you are going with it. Another chapter I found helpful was ‘ Treatments for Depression’ where she gives the most easy to understand description of the different kinds of therapies that I have ever read.

Last time I was talking about the good ideas I got on handling mental illness from the movie '50 First Dates' .  I asked you if you had a video to wake up to every morning which would tell you how to handle your illness that day, what would that teaching video say to you? Today I am going to tell you what mine would say. This is a form of 'self-talk' I will refer to now and then.What does this picture have to do with anything? I would like to wake up in the morning to this smiling lady on my TV screen and she would tell me how she handles the things she has to carry around in life, like that on her head and then she would compare that basket to my bipolar!  I like illustrations. Heck, I just liked the picture. Okay, here is my morning pep talk.

Have you seen this movie? Check out the trailer for more detailed information. Let me give you a brief summary: Adam Sandler falls in love with Drew Barrymore who has permanent brain damage as a result of a car accident. She has no short term memory. She remembers everything that happened before the accident, but since the accident she can't remember anything for longer than one day. They fall in love on their first date. The next time they see each other she doesn't remember him. He asks her out again on another 'first date' and they fall in love again. This repeats and repeats and after 50 first dates, they marry. Every morning she wakes up not knowing who he is and why she is sleeping in the same bed with him. So he makes up a little video for her explaining everything. Each morning when she wakes up there is a note on the TV in her bedroom which says "Good morning Lucy, watch this before you get up."  Each morning she grieves fresh tears of sad

Did you know there was a SECRET to positive thinking? Just ONE secret ? It is easy for the fellow in this picture (Gene Kelly in 'Singin in the Rain') to be positive. He just met the girl of his dreams. He is not dealing with depression right now. And even though it is raining he is singing! Not so easy to do when you are depressed. Actually it is impossible. When I am depressed I hate hearing about better ways to live, better ways to think, etc. It is all I can do to get out of bed and maybe have a bath and get dressed. But to try some complicated new theory, no way! I would be just setting myself up for more failure and heaping more depression on top of the one I am already deep into. If you are really depressed right now, then maybe this is not the time for you. Or maybe it is the perfect time ! What have you got to lose? And so, I would like to take the overwhelm out of the idea of trying positive thinking. Dr. Dave over at 'Zero Tolerance to Negative Thi

What do you think about 'positive thinking'? As someone who is challenged by depression maybe your reaction is 'ya right, if I could I would but I can't'. Let's review our goals here on 'Depression Getaway'. Our goal is to share ways to minimize depression , and in some cases erase it altogether. But for many of us this illness will never be totally eradicated. Kind of like diabetes, some forms of depression, bipolar for instance, have a genetic factor and there is no cure, yet. But what if you could do things to lessen the suffering you now experience? Would the effort be worth it? Now I know it is difficult to make a concerted effort to do some of the strategies I recommend when you are in a deep depression. But I suggest that if we could compare these self-help strategies to say personal hygiene, good  manners, things that most of us can pull off without even thinking then maybe we could add some new strategies or habits that with practice