My Depression Journey - Looking Back
One of the best blogs about depression out there is Storied Mind. Recently, the author, John, wrote a post that got a lot of reactions, very detailed reactions.
It was called '13 Ways of Defining Depression'. In this well-written article he reviews the many different ways that he has defined depression over the years. His view has changed and that made me, and clearly several others think about their own journey.
And so I thought that I would review my journey here in hopes that it may inspire you to take a second look at your own condition in a different way. Maybe you will see how you have progressed.
1." THIS IS JUST TEMPORARY" (DENIAL)
My initiation into the world of depression was as a result of an unexpected and unwanted divorce. When I went to the doctor with my symptoms, she knew what I was going through and said that I was experiencing depression and it was understandable under the circumstances. It was simply my body's reaction to the grief, she said and it was quite normal. She put me on an antidepressant which both she and I assumed was just a temporary thing. She said the medication would probably help and I would be able to go off it in six months to a year. She was right...sort of....
2. "THIS IS BECOMING ANNOYING" (GRIEF)
The symptoms returned in a short time, I don't remember how long. I would go back to the doctor, she would increase my dosage and I would feel better again and for a little while I would get on with life.
3." THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR LEARNING" (NEGOTIATION AND SOME ACCEPTANCE )
This pattern continued for awhile until I could no longer tolerate the amount of medication in my body. (Migraine headaches) I had to get off of it. My doctor and I began some coaching sessions. She was able to help me understand a little more about myself, shared some good books with me and for the first time in my life, I made choices that were based on my new-found knowledge of myself and not what others expected.
I would feel better for awhile and then the depression returned.
4. "THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR LIFESTYLE CHANGES" (MORE NEGOTIATION, MORE ACCEPTANCE)
More counseling, more books, more lifestyle changes followed. The pattern was the same. I would feel better for awhile, actually I would feel fantastic for awhile and then boom, I would be depressed. I spent more time depressed than not.
5. "THIS IS LIKE SOLVING A MYSTERY" (ACCEPTANCE)
This was not only annoying, it was debilitating. It had been years and what did I have to show for it? But I was determined to uncover the real root of my depression. After reviewing all of my emotional pain, forgiving everyone I could think of, etc. I was still stumped. Until one dark night, when I couldn't sleep, I took an online test for bipolar disorder and there is was, plain as day. I had bipolar.
6. "DISEASE, GENETIC, NO CURE" (ACCEPTANCE)
I learned that bipolar was a disease, it was genetic and there was no cure. My doctor prescribed a mood stabilizer, something I had never tried before and I was filled with hope that finally we were getting somewhere.
7. "MANAGING AN ILLNESS FOR LIFE" (PEACE)
As was typical for me I could not tolerate most of the medications. Even the one I do tolerate I can only manage a very small dose. And so here I am, managing this illness without much help from drugs, managing it with all that I know to do, managing it all the time for if I don't I get sicker.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you feeling today? If you look back at your situation have you progressed? Have there been revelations worth noting? If you knew then what you know now, would you have done anything differently?
Don't give up! There is hope for depression.
