Depression Getaway with Wendy Love

Did you read that right? "How to do something when you can't do anything"?   Depression, I know what it is like. When you are in a low mood, not only do you not feel like doing anything, you can't do anything...at least that's what it feels like. But did you know that resting is doing something? It is!

  H-E-L-P is our keyword today. HELP for depression. Do you know what I have learned over the years of speaking about depression? Many people who struggle with mental illness resist getting help. Why? I've heard a lot of excuses. Here are just a few. "I don't want anyone to know." "I don't want to take medication, I want to be in control of my life." "If I admit I need help, that makes me weak." "I don't need help, I can do this alone."

 My Mother-in Law is For the Birds! Well, not really. I mean 'for the birds' means worthless or trivial and my mother-in-law is certainly not that. She is definitely valuable and meaningful. I just said she is 'for the birds' to get your attention. Really I won the mother-in-law lottery. She is wonderful. My 95-year-old mother-in-law is vital, alert, and still interested in life. She never complains even though she has hardly been able to get out for over a year. But I mention the birds because that has been the hobby that has helped her to endure the covid restrictions while living in a seniors residence. Her granddaughter outfitted her with three birdfeeders, one which attaches to the window and what a wonderful pastime that has become. Birds are small but powerful creatures. They bring joy, entertainment, beauty, and awe. They are precious and surprising. They are delicate and intricate. Some are colourful and beautiful. Some make wonderful sounds. I could go on and ...

  What is a comfort to you when there is NOT a pandemic? If you struggle with mental illness like I do, it helps to know what comforts you. It is called 'self-care' and at no time is it more important than now. And even if you don't normally suffer from depression, you just might be experiencing a bit of it, especially if you live in Ontario, Canada where I live. We have had 3 long lockdowns which means stay home except for essential things like food and medical appointments. This has been tough.

  Volunteering - You Get More Than You Give Is it still possible to volunteer during covid? You bet! It sure is. I found an article, no longer available online, that lists the following benefits of volunteering:

 I Love Libraries! Pictured below is my cozy hometown library. Why do I love libraries so much?  Libraries just seem so full of potential to me - potential to learn, to enjoy, to escape, to be part of something that you can only imagine. Each good book is a little holiday from life - a little depression getaway. Each book takes you on a journey, a lovely private journey between you and the book. And since I love libraries, when I enter them, my endorphin levels instantly go up. Remember that endorphins are natural feel good chemicals.

Choosing a new password can be challenging. We are warned frequently that it is important to change passwords now and then. I watch a lot of detective shows and when they are trying to hack into someone's computer they always manage to guess the password using the usual: birthdates, pet's name, address, etc. I've got a new suggestion for a password change that may also help with depression. Are you ready?

"No offence but...."  My stepdaughter used to use this phrase a lot when she was in her teens. It was a preface for something honest that she wanted to share that she knew wouldn't be popular. She is a gentle sweet soul and wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, and so I guess she thought if she said 'no offense but' before she brought up the unpopular thought, it would make everything okay? Frankly I don't even remember being offended so I guess it wasn't as dramatic is she might have thought at the time. Bless her for trying to avoid hurting others. However, there are times that people will says things, that do hurt and that we can't forget. And if you have any kind of mental illness you will find it hard NOT to relive those harsh words, over and over and over. That's called 'ruminating' and usually goes hand in hand with depression.

  Last time we talked about retreating to prepare for advancing. This would be a retreat of rest and relaxation and strengthening for the road ahead. Which one of these pictures looks like an ideal retreat for you?

Do you believe that in order to advance you must first retreat? We who live with mental illness know all about retreating. That is what we do, at least what I do, when I am at my worst. I retreat. And when I do retreat, my hope is that the enforced rest will fortify me to advance once again, when I am ready.

As I wrote this, before leaving for the south, it was a beautiful winter morning in the small town in Ontario where I live. We have had a fresh snow fall and it is still snowing lightly. It is clean, magical and begged me to take one of my longer walks.  If you have walked in the snow you know it is not a quiet experience. Your feet make a crunching sound each time they hit the ground, and as your arms swing across your winter attire there is usually a swishing sound as well. Since I love the rhythm of my walking, and enjoy the way my mind works while I walk, I sometimes forget to stop occasionally and look around at the beautiful scenery.

My husband and I head south today. We spend three months in Myrtle Beach, living on the ocean. It is wonderful and we love it. This will our tenth year and we love it more every time. We have made friends there. Sometimes family members come to visit. It is home for a little while. Sounds wonderful right? Well, it is wonderful except for one thing - getting me there!

"Chin up!" I love looking up the origins of old expressions.  For instance 'bring him down a few pegs' means to literally bring someone down from their lofty attitude. But where do the pegs come in? There are several possibilities but I like the one I heard.  Pubs used to hang the beer steins on pegs. Each person had their own personal mug. The higher the peg the higher your rank in the community. If you had fallen from favour your mug would be 'brought down a few pegs'.

Authentic crying might be a new term for you, I know it was for me. But don't judge until you have read the rest of this post. What isn't a new term though is 'a really good cry'. Have you had one of those lately?

Did you know you can benefit from tears? Now there is a tear for you! One single precious tear. I wonder what happened to produce that single tear? "...crying is the vehicle the body and system uses to clear out and release old held emotional energy." There is more to a good cry than my mother realized. It is necessary, natural and good for you. It provides some emotional freedom. The benefit from tears is worth knowing.

Crying was not only acceptable in the home I grew up in, it was encouraged. I come from a family of cryers. I can still hear my mother say after crying "I haven't had a good cry for long time. That was wonderful!" You would think she had just devoured a chocolate brownie!

Travelling strategies! Everyone can benefit whether mental illness is part of the situation or not. If you're not stressed when you leave, many are stressed by the time they arrive.  The first time I discovered that there was a better way for me to travel was in the year 2000. My husband and two of my step children made the trip from Ontario to Florida in a minivan.

When I was growing up in the 1950's my favourite TV show was 'The Roy Rogers Show'.   At the shows end it showed Roy Rogers and his wife Dale Evans, riding their horses off into the hills and singing 'Happy Trails to You' . I remember I sometimes watched it with my little friend Bobby and we would straddle the back of the couch like it was our horse and pretend we were Roy Rogers and Dale Evans as we sang along. The expression 'happy trails' or 'bon voyage indicate to me that there is something good about taking a trip. Not for me!

Step-parenting is a tricky business. You are NOT the 'real parent'. You do NOT enjoy the same privileges or shoulder the same responsibilities as 'the real parent'. 'Step' means just that, you are a step away, a step down, a step apart from being the 'real parent'.  It's kind of like being in the passenger seat in the front of the car.  You are NOT  the driver, you are NOT  in charge. Whether things go wrong or right, it is NOT  your fault. Even though you are there, you are just a bystander. You see everything and you hear everything but you are NOT  in control.

As an elementary school teacher, I was determined that children would achieve success whether they were the smartest kid in the class or not.  Whether that success was just managing to get out a notebook and a pencil and write the date, or memorize a long scripture passage, success was the goal and I made sure that I structured lessons so everyone could experience a degree of success.