"No Offence But..." favourt



"No offence but...." 

My stepdaughter used to use this phrase a lot when she was in her teens. It was a preface for something honest that she wanted to share that she knew wouldn't be popular. She is a gentle sweet soul and wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, and so I guess she thought if she said 'no offense but' before she brought up the unpopular thought, it would make everything okay?

Frankly I don't even remember being offended so I guess it wasn't as dramatic is she might have thought at the time. Bless her for trying to avoid hurting others.

However, there are times that people will says things, that do hurt and that we can't forget.

And if you have any kind of mental illness you will find it hard NOT to relive those harsh words, over and over and over. That's called 'ruminating' and usually goes hand in hand with depression.

Another expression people use before they are about to insult you is "with all due respect" - ya right. They may as well say 'I think everything you say and stand for is stupid'. If you are on the receiving end of this statement, it doesn't feel very respectful does it?

Or how about when someone wants to break up with you, they might say "it's not about you, it's about me"? Really?  Because it sure feels like it's about me.

Or one last awful expression - "It's not personal" when someone is trying to justify something terrible that they have done to you. It sure feels personal though doesn't it?

Seriously, why don't we just truthfully say to someone "I am about to hurt your feelings but I am going to say this anyways".

Recently a blogging friend at Depression Marathon shared how she found it hard NOT to relive those kinds of mean words. You may want to read this post. She openly admits that "whenever something disconcerting, difficult or downright traumatic happens to me, I have trouble getting it out of my brain."

How about you? Does that happen to you too?

My point in writing about it is not to emphasize that these things happen to all of us, but how to handle it.

How can we NOT think about it over and over? Seriously I have not mastered this. But the one thing that works when I try is to simply think about something else. Trade the bad for the good.

These kinds of circling thoughts can make you even sicker. It has to stop!

So what do I think of instead? Well for me it would be my great kids, icecream, my 'perfect' grandchildren and how loving they are, chocolate, my loving husband, swimming, puppies, kittens, blue sky, my favourite song.... Get the idea?

Hey! That almost sounds like the song "My Favourite Things", doesn't it?

In other words you need a quick depression getaway from those words before they make a permanent home in your brain.

Take comfort. You are not alone. We all have trouble forgetting the mean things that have been done to us or said to us. This is quite normal even for those who don't struggle with mental illness. But for those of us who do, dwelling on these thoughts can make us very sick, even inducing a bad depression episode.

So arm yourself with other thoughts. Make a list of good (true) thoughts right now and keep it handy and ready for the next time. I know that "it is easier said than done" but that does not have to be true. It is easier if you do it than if you don't. You won't regret it.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you feeling today? Have you been the recipient of mean words or actions lately? Having trouble NOT thinking about it over and over? Take charge as best as you can and substitute new thoughts.

Don't give up! Whether you are challenged by mental illness or are just having a bad day, there is hope!

And here's a fun tip on different thoughts to substitute for your yucky thoughts. 






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