Measuring My Progress: Part One


We have been chatting for the last two weeks about good memories and recalling them in lots of detail so you can use some of that detail as comfort, as a depression getaway.

 Details are also useful in tracking your progress. I have confessed to you that I am not really good at recalling in detail. I have confessed that I tend to over generalize and I shared some theories about why that is not such a good thing.

 One of the things I don't do often in this blog is share my personal journey, especially the bad stuff. I prefer not to go into all of that negative stuff in great detail. I like to consider this an uplifting blog and I don't find reviewing my actual depression uplifting.
However, it may help you and maybe even me to do a review of my progress. Maybe something in my story will help you, even if just to give you the courage to keep going. So I am doing this as a three part series. Even though we have been talking about the importance of details, it would take too long to share my journey in detail, so here we go. 

 Part One will give an account of my depression history in the first ten years from 1996 to 2006. Part Two will give you an update on things from 2006 to 2012. Part Three is going to be a revealing of a new set of strategies I am planning to implement. Let's get started on my depression history.

 It all started in the 1980's with what I thought was a bad case of PMS, which it was, but none of us realized it was a precursor for the depression (more specifically Bipolar Disorder) to come. The symptoms included tension, edginess, lack of sleep, not coping with anything or anyone plus extreme mood swings. These symptoms would begin right after my period was over and they would increase in intensity until the next period. So for three weeks of every month I was in bad shape, miserable.

 My coping strategy was to keep a calendar on the fridge for the entire family to see, and keep vigilante of my symptoms and when I was really bad spend time alone so I wouldn't hurt anyone with my angry words. 

 The PMS symptoms, which I endured for ten years, were so debilitating that I had a complete hysterectomy at the age of 42.

 For three years after that I was symptom free and life was good!

  PROGRESS!

 But when I was 45 my husband had a mid-life crisis and left me.

 Divorce sent me into a deep depression after but I thought it was simply due to the circumstances, and that as I grieved and as time moved on, I would get better.

 My doctor prescribed Effexor and in a couple of weeks I was able to cope a little better, for awhile. 

 PROGRESS!

 Two years later I developed migraine headaches and switched from Effexor to Wellbutrin. 

 These drugs gave me breaks from depression but were not a cure. And every so once in awhile I would feel really good, too good in retrospect and hit a high/low crisis which I did not realize for a long time was a bipolar manic episode. Right after these high times I would drop even lower to a depression which would last even longer than the one before.

 Eventually I developed headaches from the Wellbutrin and then began a hopeless journey of finding drugs that didn't give me headaches. During this time I realized after much research that I was Bipolar. That part of the journey took ten years. 

 I learned to cope, sort of. That was PROGRESS.

 I read and read and read and tried all sorts of things that I read about from vitamin supplements to exercise to deep breathing to counseling. Nothing really changed anything but it kept me busy looking for new ways to ease the pain.

 And as I made little revelations about my past or my divorce or my personality, I would get hopeful that maybe that would make ALL the difference. It didn't. 

 After ten years like this I made a discovery that I hoped would make all of the difference, and it did, sort of.

 I was making PROGRESS.

 Come back next time for Part Two of my personal update.

 WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you feeling today? Have you reviewed your depression progress lately? Maybe it would reveal some new ideas to you? Maybe looking at old information would give you new insights?



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