Measuring My Progress: Part Two


We have a growth chart like this on a wall in our home. The grandchildren love to look at it and get measured and see how far they have come. 

 Measuring progress can be an encouraging exercise for those of us who are challenged with depression too. I am sharing my personal progress with you this week.

Today is Part Two, following ten years of debilitating depression which is not helped, and often worsened by medications. Finally after much reading and soul searching I realize that I was bipolar, Bipolar II (the milder form of bipolar). This means that normal antidepressants are not the answer for me and they have possibly done me more harm than good.

 PROGRESS!

 Once I discovered that I was bipolar, my doctor and I were hoping that things would improve. Maybe having a proper diagnosis and getting on the right medication would be a whole new beginning for me. She put me on a mood stabilizer and I was filled with hope. I stuck with it but it didn't make any difference. 

 I had to learn to recognize my mood changes and deal with them as best I could. This is when I really started to be aware of my moods, recognize triggers and deal with the constant changes.

 PROGRESS!

 If I hit a depressive episode I would withdraw from normal activities, and rest until I started to feel like I could cope with life once again. If I started to feel too good (hypomanic) it was the same approach, withdraw from everything until I stabilized.

 Soon the new mood stabilizer caused headaches and I went off of it. We tried another mood stabilizer which I tolerated for a little while but eventually the headaches returned.

 That continued with one med after another until both the psychiatrist and me decided to quit trying medications. 

 So I have to rely on strategies to keep me going. That's not so bad since no medication does all of the work anyways.

 What are my strategies? 

 I start most days with a long hot bath, spend some time in bible study and prayer, then take a walk. That is about as productive as I get on some days. Occasionally however, I might add some of my quiet activities which I enjoy immensely such as blogging, quilting, sewing, painting, writing my novel or working on a jigsaw puzzle.


I try to eat healthy and succeed more than half the time. I am not sure this makes a lot of difference, but I try anyways.

I can't take much stimulation of any kind. Big stores, amusement parks, travel, loud music, parties, social gatherings and sometimes even church are too much for me. If I get too stimulated it exhausts me or manics me and I don't need either of those.

 Realizing what works for me and what doesn't, outside of medication was PROGRESS.

 At my worst manic I have never been suicidal or hurt myself or anyone else. I am slightly aware of what I am doing, though sometimes it takes me longer than other times to realize it. I am aware, but I am irrational. I think irrational thoughts that aren't even true, but they are true to me! No one can reason with me. Whatever problems I have imagined when I am manic are very real to me at that time. When it is over I will think "what was that all about? who was that crazy girl who got upset about ..................?"

 This has been going on since 1997. My full time job, and my husband's too, is managing this rapid cycling mood disorder.

 Like diabetes and other diseases, it has to be managed. We have learned that if we do manage it, it doesn't manage us. That's PROGRESS.

 It is hard, I won't pretend that it isn't hard. But I still have a life. I am able to spend time with my children and grandchildren when I feel well. I can't babysit my grandchildren, but I can visit them and hug them and enjoy them. I really enjoy my quiet activities of writing and quilting. No matter how low I get I can usually enjoy 
my quiet pursuits.

 Well, that was exhausting just remembering all of that stuff. And yet it was fun to recogize PROGRESS. Next, in Part Three of my personal journey, I will share what new strategies I have tried recently and what hope I have for a better future.

 WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you feeling today? Have you made some progress? Write it down, give yourself a pat on the back. Remind yourself of how far you've come.

 Don't give up! There is hope for depression.







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