The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day Three
As I ate my breakfast this morning in the dark early hours of the day, I was admiring our Christmas tree and thinking "that is our best tree ever!" which brought back a happy memory from my childhood.
Every single year, after the tree was decorated, my mom would stand back and admire her handiwork and say "that is our best tree ever". I am thankful for a mother who was such a positive person, spoke mostly nice things and kept the ugly thoughts to herself, and who saw the world through rose coloured glasses much of the time. Bottom line? She was a phoney! But there were benefits.
I remember going out with my dad to get a tree. We were city people, so we bought it from a lot, but it was a real tree, everyone still had real trees in the 50's. If it was just Dad and I doing this errand, I was thrilled. I worshiped my dad and time spent in his presence to this child was as good as 'an audience with the king'.
He would ask my opinion about the trees and make me feel that this was a team effort. When we got the tree home, we would put it up together as a family, at least that is what I remember.... My mom would put on Christmas music and attempt to make this a memorable part of the season. To me it was.
I then contrast this to some of my own first married Christmases.... not one resembled this until my little girls were old enough to really take part. Sometimes we actually went out together as a family and chopped down our own tree, but other times getting their dad to get the tree somehow ended up being a tug of war and by the time the tree was in place, I was often full of resentment and disappointment. But the girls made up for that as they were enthusiastic and very useful decorators.
When you have so many happy childhood memories, it is hard to measure your adult life beside that. If I could interview my own mom right now, she could probably share with me some of the tensions she experienced during the Christmas season as a wife, and mother. But she put a good face on it and made it happy for her children.
So, for awhile in my adult years, decorating the tree became a chore which I did not look forward to. But when my girls got to be around 8 and 10, they totally took over and it became a wonderful memory again. I would put on the Christmas music and make the hot chocolate and sit back and watch them have fun doing it. It was a chore to me, but a joy to them.
Many, many years later, the first Christmas after my mom died, both daughters were fully grown, I can remember another Christmas tree. I was away for a few days in December, not looking forward to my first Christmas without my mom, and suffering from yet another bout of depression. When I got home, there was the tree, all done! My youngest daughter had done the whole thing for me! What a present!
Christmas can be stressful, depressed or not. It is good to remember that once grown, Christmas will never have the magic it did as a child.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you feeling about Christmas?
Sometimes it is the unreal expectations of Christmas that can set us up for disappointment. Make sure you set yourself up with some realistic expectations.
Don't give up! There is hope for depression.
