What Important Lesson can a Sea Captain teach Bipolar?

Do you remember when you first realized you had some symptoms of depression? Did the word 'bipolar' even come to mind?

Here was my initial experience.  I was going through a stressful time in my life (divorce), but coping, or so I thought. One of the ways I dealt with stress was through exercise, especially walking.

One day, while on my walk, I felt like I could not walk as fast as usual. This continued for a week or so. The only other time I remembered feeling that awful was when I had anemia. So, assuming that it was the same thing this time, I went to my doctor.

She already knew that I was going through a rough time and so a little depression was to be expected. She agreed to have my blood checked but it turned out to be fine. Knowing what I was going through she suggested we try an antidepressant. She said that sometimes this sort of depression, since it was probably directly related to circumstance, was temporary, and in six months to a year, I could go off of the antidepressant.

That was in the fall of 1996. The antidepressant kicked in within two weeks. I was thrilled. I was able to walk without tiring and found I was crying a lot less and started to feel interested in life once again.

I don’t remember how long that good time lasted. But it didn’t last. When I returned to the doctor with similar symptoms she suggested we increase the antidepressant.

This cycle, of feeling better for only a little while continued and I discovered that this was typical for Bipolar although it was years before I was diagnosed.

I had good times and bad times. During the good times I was quite productive and enjoyed life. During the bad times I hardly got out of bed. And I still had some bad times while I was taking the drug.

Eventually I started to get unbearable headaches and my doctor and I  decided I would have to stop taking the drug. I was fine for a little while and then crashed into depression once again.

Back to the doctor and onto a new antidepressant. The rest of the story is too long and boring and more of the same. My doctor helped me by listening, believing me, and trying to help. She did the best she could.

But you know what? She was only as good as I was. What I mean is that she could only act on the information that I gave her.  And I was a depressed and irrational person and so who knows what kind of information I was giving her? And I had no notes. The only person taking notes was the doctor and she could only glean from the irrational information I was giving her.

Getting the right diagnosis 

is as much up to us

 as it is up to the doctors.

This is where our ship captain comes in with his log book. That book held a wealth of information. He could read back on his notes and use them to prepare for the journey ahead.

LOOKING BACK TO MOVE AHEAD!

Does that make sense to you?

If we make some kind of attempt to record our thoughts, and our moods, both good and bad, we may be able to help the doctors help us.

With Bipolar Disorder this is even more necessary than with depression. If you don't have a record of your mood changes your doctor will probably diagnose you with depression. The treatment for depression is different than for Bipolar. In some instances, regular antidepressants can make your symptoms worse.

And you know, I was so little help because I only went in to see her when I was in such bad shape I could barely think or speak (but I could cry really well!). I never went in to see her when my mood was elevated into a manic state (I was too busy enjoying life!).

I was guilty for not journaling then.

No one told me I should.

All I wanted was to just feel better.

I wanted a quick fix. I hoped that there might be a quick fix.
Some of us will experience complete recovery. Some of us will experience some good times. Some of us will ‘survive’ and figure out how to live despite the handicap of this illness.

ALL of us could have more potential for greater success if we could participate more fully in our own treatments.
A journal can help with that. It's never too late to start.

If you have no idea where to start try Moodtracker.com.

Bipolar is hard. I know that. But there are things you CAN do. You must do them on a day when you CAN.

I have been guilty of not bothering to make any notes when I feel well because I'm too busy feeling well and enjoying life to bother. I am too busy feeling ‘the way I figure I deserve to feel’ to pay any attention to my illness.

Your doctor’s ability to help you is based on what you share with them. The more information you have for them, the more they can come to a proper diagnosis and get you the right kind of medication.

If you don’t get the right diagnosis,

 you won’t receive the right treatment.

If you don’t get the right treatment,

 you won’t get better.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?  How are you feeling today? Are you participating fully in your treatment by journaling in ways that can help both you and your doctor to find some answers?

Don't give up! There is hope for depression.