Bipolar? Not Me!


It took eight long years of depression to figure out that I had a form of mental illness called Bipolar Disorder. The difference is significant in the treatment and so this was an important step in my progress.

 Why did it take so long to figure it out?

 Bipolar involves both good moods and bad moods. It affects two poles of the brain, not just one. I have Bipolar 2, which some refer to as 'mild bipolar'.

 The only time I went to see my doctor was when I was in the depths of despair, experiencing the low moods of bipolar which was depression.

When I was on top of the world, experiencing the high side of bipolar, hypomania, I was too busy being 'not depressed' to go to the doctor. I assumed those good feelings were normal. I assumed that was how everybody felt who didn't have depression.

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Those good feelings did not last and I would be back to my doctor in yet another major depressive episode. She would say 'what happened'? and I would say 'I don't know' and we would try yet another medication.

 Antidepressants should not be the first prescription given to someone with bipolar. It can sometimes make you worse! So maybe it was a blessing that I had little success with my antidepressants and had to quit after awhile.

 One of my patterns every time I hit a low point was to review everything I already knew about depression and see if I had missed something.

 When I couldn't sleep (common bipolar symptom) I would get on my computer and once again go to some depression sites desperate for new insight.

 One night I came across a diagnostic test for bipolar disorder and even though I was sure that would not describe me, I took the test anyways and there it was! It described me and my moods perfectly. How had I missed it all those years?

 I went to see my doctor the next day. She smiled at my revelation and said "I knew you would figure this out eventually!" She prescribed a mood stabilizer instead of an antidepressant.

The long winding road to discovering that I had bipolar disorder was painful but it was worth it. May your journey NOT take you as long as mine did.

I wish I could say that I am all better now. I am not. But I have learned so many ways to cope with this mood disorder, especially the depression side of it and that is why I blog. By writing for others I remind myself of these techniques which I know can help.

 WHAT ABOUT YOU?  How are you feeling today? Maybe there is more detective work for you to do in order to get a right diagnosis. How about looking over some of your information again? If your medication is not helping, it might be the wrong one for you, or it might be the wrong one for your mental condition. Make sure you get the right diagnosis.

 Next time I will give you some more information about Bipolar in case you would like to investigate further.

 Don't give up! There is hope for depression.

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