Juggling Christmas with Depression is a Toss-up: Part 3 of Taking Control of Christmas Chaos
Juggling Christmas with depression - not easy, but not impossible.
I remember the first Christmas I gave myself permission to 'scale back'. I was so sick with depression I wanted to cancel it altogether but our five kids were still all in their twenties and even though there were no grandchildren yet, I wasn't prepared to give up on hosting Christmas.
So far our house was the gathering place and I was so thankful that these five wonderful kids were still willing to spend time with the family, especially since we are a 'blended' family.
Besides, sick or not, being together with all of our kids is one of my best depression getaways. Selfishly, I did not want to deprive myself of that. Truthfully, I hoped this Christmas was just a little bump in the road and next Christmas I would be 'my old self'.
This particular year however, had to be different. I was not well enough to make my usual Christmas preparations but I was well enough to turn up! My doctor was trying me on yet another new medication and as with most medications, my body was not responding positively.
I probably didn't tell the kids just how bad I really was (what is it about being a mom that you don't want to burden your kids with your own problems?). They all knew that depression was part of my life but I didn't like to dwell on the details. I just told them that I wasn't very well, I was trying to adjust to a new medication and that there would be a few changes this year. For starters, there would be no tree. And secondly, they would all have to bring food and help prepare the meal.
I didn't even set the table ahead of time. They did that as well after they arrived. Did anyone mind? If they did they certainly didn't tell me and make me feel bad. We do have amazing kids.
At one point in the afternoon the meds were making me so sick that I had to go off to my room and lie down for awhile. When I woke up there were sounds of laughter and I joined the family to see some around the table playing monopoly and some working in the kitchen. It was a wake-up call for how dispensable I was and how they can all have lots of fun without me!
After supper I thought the kids that weren't staying overnight with us would just go home since there was not much going on. I plopped down in the middle of the couch in exhaustion and my two daughters sat on either side. They seemed in no hurry to escape.
One said "it was a nice day wasn't it mom?"
The other said "it's just nice to hang around together for a whole day."
Any feelings of guilt I had about that day lifted. Any pressures about creating a traditional Christmas, (since I am after all 'the mother'), disappeared.
That was my first year to scale back and I have been scaling back ever since. Now one daughter has taken over Christmas and another daughter Thanksgiving. But at least I can save what little energy I have for enjoying my growing family at Christmas.
So what does this juggling clown have to do with it all?
Well, we depressees have something in common with this clown.
His smile is painted on, it's not real!
That might be us at Christmas time, pretending to be happy when we're not. Pretending takes a lot of energy. Is it worth it?
Why do we go along with the expectations, real or imagined, of others? To please them? To ease our guilt? To cover up our depression?
Juggling Christmas with Depression is not impossible. So let's get down to some practical ideas. Let's see just what we have to juggle.
CHRISTMAS:
presents, shopping, budget, eating food, preparing food, parties, relatives, family dynamics, special events, expectations, pressure as Christians to not forget 'the real meaning of Christmas'
DEPRESSION:
medication, rest, therapy, exercise, solitude
The demands of depression management have to be factored into to every day, every season, every situation, not just Christmas. Just as you would not ignore any other serious condition at Christmas, such as diabetes, so you should not ignore the needs of depression. So how are you going to juggle it all?
Participating in any of these Christmas activities is going to be stressful if you are battling depression. What are you going to minimize? Or better yet, what are you going to cut out altogether? Only you can make these choices. No one is going to do it for you.
These posts are meant to be a 'heads up' not a 'how to' but each week I will recommend an article that might help you. Check out this brilliant article: 10 Simple Ways to Create a Happy Minimalist Holiday.
Even though I find Christmas stressful, I do enjoy Christmas movies even though they are far from realistic. I love the pretty Christmas decorations, the simple wholesome stories and a guaranteed happy ending. One movie that has that and more is Miracle on 34th Street.
Oh and one more thing: DON'T MAKE MEDICATION CHANGES AT THIS STRESSFUL TIME OF YEAR.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you feeling? Is Christmas getting to you? Are you willing to give yourself permission to do Christmas differently this year?
May you be willing to take control of the Christmas chaos and not let the Christmas chaos control you.
Don't give up! There is hope for depression - even at Christmas!
