Recipe for Disappointment: 10 Cups of Expectation, 1 Teaspoon of Reality (Part 4 of Taking Control of Christmas Chaos)

My Christmas surprise - spoiled by me! 

One of the magical parts of Christmas for many of us is SURPRISE. Little did I know when I was a child how much work went into setting up these surprises.

I was 15 and my sister was 18. By now I had long gotten over one of the first big letdowns of Christmas - there was no Santa. I still enjoyed the magic of the surprise presents under the tree.

 On this particular day in December, I foolishly decided to go snooping for my gifts, which I found under my parents' bed. My sister and I often got similar gifts and these boxes were exactly the same. But I only had time to open one box before I heard someone arriving home. In the unwrapped box was a coat. I loved this coat! Stylish and cozy, this fake fur was fuzzy and fluffy and the same colour as my beloved cat, caramel and white. I could totally picture myself in it. Excited, I was full of expectation - until Christmas morning.

My sister opened hers first and there was 'my' coat! I opened my box and there was a coat, a totally different coat, a nice coat sort of, but not nearly so fun, or impractical or pretty as the fake fur. This plaid wool jacket was dark, itchy  and not feminine or fanciful. What a letdown!

And I only had myself to blame. Did it have as much to do with the coat as the actual shock of the wrong expectation? Both really. Even if I hadn't thought that the fake fur was for me, I would have probably wished it was and I would have preferred to get my sister's coat. If I had let well enough alone, the disappointment would not have been nearly so acute.

Expectations really do contribute to disappointment.

"We become disappointed when our expectations of persons, situations or things are unrealistic and not met".

The expectations we experience at Christmas can be even more devastating than the one this spoiled 15 year old experienced with getting a coat I was not expecting. You could be expecting some event to be more fun than it turns out to be. You may expect certain family members to act nicer than they do. 

"Disappointment results from thoughts and expectations being out of line with reality. Your expectations and hopes for others may be too high for the situation at hand. Even if you think your expectations are appropriate and realistic, they may not be realistic at all. One solution is to change your expectations to more realistic levels."

'Taking control of Christmas Chaos' involves not just scaling back with presents, food, socializing and family, but also taking control of our thoughts.

Did I say 'taking control of our thoughts'?

Wait! Isn't that the foundation of depression, NOT being able to take control of our thoughts?

Well, yes it is. But there are times, like maybe right now, when you are feeling sort of stable, sort of sane, and you can take control of those thoughts. These are the times to make realistic decisions.
May these decisions involve not only taking control of what parts of Christmas you are willing or able to take part in, but also letting go of unrealistic expectations - of yourself and others.

Enjoy "10 Christmas Expectations vs. The Reality That We’ve Come To Accept". It is a delightful visual presentation of some typical expectation pitfalls of the season.

If you're looking for a Christmas movie about expectations, no one has less expectations of Christmas than Charlie Brown. Try "A Charlie Brown Christmas". And yet even the pessimistic Charlie Brown discovers 'the true meaning of Christmas' before the end of the film.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? How are you coping with Christmas plans so far? How are you coping with depression right now? Are your Christmas expectations, of yourself and others realistic? 

May you be able to take control of your own Christmas chaos this year.

Don't give up! There is hope for depression.